SESSION ONE: LOOKING BACK
I. INTRODUCTION
1. Every
man has a Story.
2. Too
often, men do not know how to deal with their hurts, hopes and emotions.
II. LOOKING BACK
- Every guy has been shaped by the key moments in his life.
- Too many guys are Driven by events in their past that they don’t understand.
- To be a real man, you have to look back and figured out what has shaped you.
- We will be covering some sacred topics.
III.THREE KEY IDEALS TO GUIDE US
1. Take a Balanced
approached to analyzing our past.
·
Manhood definition:
-Reject Passivity
-Accept Responsibility
-Lead Courageously
-Invest Eternally
·
We’re going to take the initiative to look back
on our lives.
2.The concept of Wounds.
·
The deepest wounds that men can experience in
life aren’t physical but are the wounds of his soul.
· The natural instinct of a man who has a wounded
soul is to simply Pretend it’s not there.
·
Some guy’s compensate for the pain by learning
not to feel.
· Wound: Any Unresolved issue where a lack
of closure adversely impacts and shapes the direction and dynamics of a man’s life now.
3. Ultimately, God is the Author
of your life.
·
God can redeem your past and bless your future.
·
“And we know that for those who love God all
things work together for good, for those who are called according to his
purpose.” Romans 8:28 [ESV]
IV.THE EXPERTS: UNDERSTANDING THE IMPORTANCE OF OUR STORY
1. Jeff Schulte, Executive
Director, Sage Hill Institute, an initiative for Authentic Christian
Leadership.
2. Dr. Chip Dodd, Executive Director
and Co-founder of the Center for Personal Excellence, a treatment center
working with high-level executives.
DISCUSSION/REFLECTION QUESTIONS
- Is there any hesitancy to look back at the defining moment and key relationships in your life?
- Do you tend to blame your past or ignore your past? Why
SESSION TWO:DAD
I. THE IMPORTANCE OF FATHERS
I. THE IMPORTANCE OF FATHERS
- Present or Absent, good or bad, the father / Son relationship is significant in shaping all of us.
- None of us were raised by a perfect father and this has left all of us wounded to one degree or another.
- “Grandchildren are the crown of old men, And the glory of sons is their fathers.” Proverbs 17:6 [NASH]
- Every father gets undeserved Admiration from his son the minute he comes into the world.
- To day in the United States, 33% of children grow up apart from their biological fathers.
- Modern research has demonstrated the importance of fathers:
- Statistically, children growing up in father-absent homes are more likely to:
-Die
in infancy
-Live
in poverty
-End
up in prison
-Use
drugs
-Be
abused
-Be
overweight
-Dropout
of school
· Children
with involved fathers are more likely to have:
-Better
grades
-Better
verbal skills
-More
confidence
-Better
physical health
· Recent research indicates that fathers Uniquely
add value to their children.
II. DEFINITIONS AND REMEMBERING DAD
- Wound: Any unresolved issue where a lack of closure adversely impacts and shapes the direction and dynamics of a man’s life now.
- Father Wound: It’s “an ongoing emotional, social, or spiritual deficit that’s caused by the lack of a healthy Relationship with dad and now must be overcome by other means.”
- It was caused when there was a lack of heart connection, or companionship or substantive direction from dad.
- It’s about how your dad related to you.
III. THREE COMMON RESPONSES TO THE FATHER WOUND
- Anger and pain
The
Bible shows a connection between a man’s Anger ans his dad.
“Fathers,
do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and
instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 [ESV]
“Fathers,
do not provoke your children, or they may lose heart.” Colossians 3:21 [NRSV]
Without
a dad, there is a Vacuum in a son’s life and part of what fills that
vacuum is rage.
2. The bottling up of feelings
-To
Pretend like your not effected.
-You
can never completely bottle it up, it’ll express itself somehow.
-According
to John Sowers in the fatherless
Generation, “Fatherless creates an appetite in the soul that Demands
fulfillment.”
-Unhealthy
ways this hunger can find it’s way to the surface:
-Addictions or obsessions
-Drugs, pornography and excessive alcohol
3. An inner sense of lostness or
incompleteness.
-Incompleteness
can be Relational, we never felt accepted or validated by dad.
-Incompleteness
ca be Informational, Dad didn’t teach us to shave or balance a checking
account or how to pursue a woman, etc.
IV. OVERCOMING THE EFFECTS OF THE FATHER WOUND
1. The absence of a great father
is not insurmountable.
2. With Christ’s help we can Overcome
any obstacle.
V.WHAT EVERY SON NEEDS FROM DAD
1. Time together
2. Life skills
3. Direction with solid answers to
the Why questions of life.
4. Deep life convictions
-You
will leave in your son what you have Lived out in your home.
5. Dad’s heart
-I
love you
-I’m
proud of you
-I’m
affirming you
DISCUSSION / REFLECTION QUESTIONS
1.
How do you feel about your relationship with your dad? What are three words or phrases that sum up
your relationship with him?
2.
This session talked about the father wound expressing itself in three ways:
[1]
anger and pain
[2]
the bottling up of feelings
[3]
a sense of relational or informational incompleteness. Elaborate on how these
three things describe you.
SESSION THREE: MOM
I. THE INFLUENCE OF MOM
- The mother / son Relationship is an important part of who you are.
- The way mom “has handled you needs as a child has shaped your worldview, your relationships, your marriage, your career, your self-image, your life. What we learn in our relationship with our mother deeply affects every area of our adult life.” – The Mom Factor, by Henry Cloud
II. TWO SIGNIFICANT
BREAKS WITH MOM
- A healthy relationship with mom requires two significant breaks.
- There must be a Physical separation from mom at birth to end the oneness that began at conception.
- There must be an Emotional separation from mom when a boy transitions to manhood.
- Many men are left deeply entrenched or Overly connected to mom.
- Men who are overly connected to mom can feel like their masculinity is Fragile.
- “Therefore a man shall LEAVE his father and mother and HOLD FAST to his wife and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 [ESV]
III. THE MOTHER WOUND AND ITS
EFFECTS
1. Mother
wound: “An Unhealthy, emotional relationship with mom that causes a son
to either be threatened by the influence of women later on in life or to
overidentify and become submissive to the influence of women.”
2. Men
with a mother wound will often drift to one of two extremes in how they relate
to women. They often become either
DOMINANT MALES or SOFT MALES.
·
Dominant males: too Controlling towards
mom.
·
Soft males : become Passive and
submissive toward women.
IV. COMMON CHARACTERISTICS OF THE
MOTHER WOUND
1. Usually,
the mother wound is not one of inattention but overattention.
2. This
wound often begins with an absent or distant Father.
3. Marion
Levy writes that modern men “are overwhelmingly likely to have been reared
under the direct domination and supervision of females from birth to maturity.”
V. FOUR TYPES OF MOMS THAT CONTRIBUTE TO THE MOTHER WOUND
- The Unintentional mom.
- She stays
oblivious to her son’s need to connect with other men and to make a healthy
break with her.
- The Hurting Mom
-A
women who has lost emotional connection with her husband and she makes up for
this by over-connecting to her son.
- The Unwilling-to-Release Mom
-Oftentimes,
these moms have dominant personalities and they simply love to be in control.
- The fill-in-the Gap mom
-This
can lead to over-connection and dependence if the son doesn’t have strong male
mentors to guide him.
VI. JESUS AND HIS MOM
- Did you know that Jesus had some Conflict with his mom?
- “Then Jesus entered a house, again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. When his family heard about it, they went to take charge of him, for they said’ He is out of his mind’… Then Jesus” mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. A crowd was sitting around him and they told him,”Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.” Who are my mother and my brothers?’ he asked. Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother,” Mark 3:20-21;31-35 [NIV]
-Jesus
had healthy Boundaries with his mom.
- “Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother…When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother,”Dear woman, here is your son’ and to the disciple, ”Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took he into his home.” John 19:25-27 [NIV]
-Jesus’
actions respected he role as mom.
- Jesus offers us a perfect example of how to interact with our moms:
-Healthy
boundaries
-Genuine
love
-Proper
respect
- Many of us have Unfinished business with mom.
- Describe your relationship with your mom growing up. How is (was) it as an adult?
- Would you say that you have effectively made "the break" with mom? Does your mom presently exert an unhealthy influence in your life? Your marriage? What would your wife say?
- Can you see a connection between the way you relate to your mom and how you relate to other women in your life?
SESSION FOUR: HEALING
I.INTRODUCTION
- We are going to provide some practical advice that will help deal with your own personal situation.
II.FIVE GUIDELINES FOR DEALING WITH WOUNDS
- If you’ve been wounded by mom or dad, you’ve got to choose to deal with this wound Responsibly.
-Regardless
of mom or dad’s role in the situation, the burden ultimately falls on you to
resolve the situation in your own life.
- If you’ve been wounded by mom or dad, you should begin the process of Forgiveness.
-You
decide to no longer exact punishment in any form or fashion.
- If you have been negatively impacted by mom or dad,Share your story with some trustworthy men.
-Dealing
with wounds is a process.
- If you’re married and you’ve got Unresolved issues from your past, tell your wife.
- If there are unresolved issues with a parent, this may mean that you need to have a direct but respectful conversation with mom and dad.
III.DIRECT CONVERSATIONS WITH DAD AND MOM
- If you’re a son wounded by dad, consider seeking Direct reconciliation with your father.
-You
have to be the one to initiate
-You
can’t control his Response, His response is not what matters.
- If you have unresolved issues with mom, you must create a strategy for making a clean break from mom and for creating a new normal in how you relate to her.
-You
need to identify the specific issues that you’re dealing with.
-You
need to create and enforce healthy Boundaries.
IV.GUIDELINES FOR DADS
- If you’re a dad, then it’s never too Late to close the gap with your son.
-You
can’t change the past, but you can make changes right now in how you
relate to your son.
-Perhaps
your son still needs to hear from you the three “essentials:”
·
I love you
·
I’m proud of you
·
You’re good at something
- Wounding your son to some degree is Unavoidable.
DISCUSSION / REFLECTION QUESTIONS
- Have you released/forgiven your dad and assumed responsibility for your own life? If you could sit down and “bare your soul” to your father, what would you say him?
- Do you need to have a respectful but direct conversation with your dad? Do you need to establish some boundaries with mom?
- If you’re a dad, what do your children need from you right now? Are there things you are doing [or not doing] that may cause them to be wounded later in life?
SESSION FIVE: ALL-ALONE
I. INTRODUCTION
- Today, we are going to talk about the Importance of a man’s relationship with other men and how those relationships or lack of them can affect a man.
- We are also going to introduce you to a different type of wound, a wound that is self-inflicted, called, the All-Alone wound.
- This wound characterizes a man who attempts to live life alone.
- Teammates in life are essential for us to become better men.
II. THREE TYPES OF TEAMMATES THAT BLESS AND ENERGIZE A MAN’S
LIFE
- The encouraging Mentor.
- Having someone in your life who is a step ahead of you and can offer you wisdom and guidance.
- It’s someone who takes a special interest in you.
- They are committed to your development.
- They see the Best in you even when you can’t see it in yourself.
- They are someone you admire and respect.
- The Side-by-side Teammate.
- Blessed is the man who has a few committed teammates.
- They love you unconditionally but will speak truth into your life.
- They are true friends who are committed to your best.
- Professor Geoffery Greif says: “Some men remain Stuck in the adolescent phase of friendship.”
·
You must take the risk of creating the side-by
side friendships.
- The Eager Protégé
·
Someone who is a step behind you in life but
eager to learn from your experiences.
·
You have the opportunity to give back and Invest.
III. THE ALL-ALONE WOUND
- Comes from the tendency of a man to live life Outside of character shaping relationships.
- This self-inflicted wound is Avoidable.
- The all-alone wound is a social, emotional and spiritual loss caused by lack of healthy male teammates.
- Most men are never truly Known.
IV. THE CONSEQUEENCES OF THE ALL-ALONE WOUND
- A warped perspective on life
·
Self-deceit comes from being disconnected
·
“There is a way that seems right to a man, but
it’s end is the way to death.” Proverbs 14:12 [ESV]
·
To get an accurate picture of yourself, you need
feedback from trusted teammates.
- The potential for careless living and Foolish choices.
·
“Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire;
he breaks out against sound judgement.” Proverbs 18:1 [ESV]
·
Not having a teammate makes it easy for the Standard
to get lowered.
·
The path to foolish decisions is often alones.
- A lost chance for much needed transparency.
·
Every man needs teammates with whom he can feel Safe.
·
Without transparency, men are likely to fall
into:
-
Discouragement
-
Depression
-
Danger
V. BUILDING HEALTHY TEAMMATES
1. Learn
how to be a Loyal teammate who encourages others.
2. Learn
how to ask goos questions and take a genuine Interest in others.
3. Be
willing to be vulnerable and Transparent.
4. Initiate
with other men.
VI. INITIATING WITH MENTORS AND PROTEGES
“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion
of fools will suffer harm.” Proverbs 13:20 [ESV]
- Mentors
·
Look for a man whose character and skills you admire.
·
Consider having different mentors for different
areas of life.
·
Consider having mentors from different Seasons
of life.
- Protégé
·
Be a man to whom others are Drawn.
·
Make yourself available.
·
“Two are better that one, because they have a
good reward for their toil.” Ecclesiastes 4:9 [NIV]
DISCUSSION / REFLECTION QUESTIONS
1. Do
you feel the all-alone wound? Explain
2. Discuss
your level of true transparency with other men in your life.
3. What
are the next steps you need to take to initiate with teammates in your life?
SESSION SIX: HEART
I. Introduction
Wound : Any unresolved issue where
a lack of closure adversely impacts and shapes the direction and dynamics of a
man’s life now.
1. All
men are affected by Wounds to one degree or another.
2. Authentic
men are Difference-makers.
3. Every
man has the Heart wound.
II. A BROKEN WORLD
1. In
an instant, a perfect world became Imperfect.
2. We
live as broken men in a broken world.
3. In
spite of our best efforts to create Heaven on earth, we still experience
pain, disappointment, discouragement, fear, anxiety, and frustration.
4. One
day Jesus will return to make all things New.
·
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes,
and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor
pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4 [ESV]
III. BROKEN MEN
1. Adam’s
sin not only broke the world, it also broke Us.
2. The
Bible teaches that our nature is bent Away from God.
3. Left
to ourselves we try to do Good but too often we can’t.
4. The
heart wound is a man’s total inability to do gooa before God apart from a
relationship with Jesus Christ.
·
“There is no one righteous, not even one.”
Romans 3:10 [NIV]
·
Compare to God’s standard, we all fall miserably
Short.
5. The
solution to the heart wound is not psychology, morality, religion, or
self-help.
6. In
the book of Romans, Paul reveals the Solution to the heart wound:
·
“While we were still sinners, Christ died for
us.” Romans 5:8 [ESV]
·
Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the
life. No one comes to the Father except
through me.” John 14:6 [ESV]
7. Jesus only
solution to the heart wound.
IV. DISCONNECTED MEN
1.
Faith in Jesus doesn’t mean that we all of a sudden
become Perfect.
2.
There are Lingering effects of the heart wound.
3. When
we disconnect from our Heart it sets us up for failure and it leads us
into dangerous and damaging territory.
4. Men
have a tendency to bore through life with their Head.
5. Men’s
routine Avoidance of self-disclosure is dangerous to their emotional and
even physical health.
6. Author
Chip Dodd says: “We just go through the motions, never fully knowing ourselves,
never fully knowing others and never fully finding the Abundant life.”
7. Those
feelings and experiences that we stuff deep inside always find a way to the Surface.
V. THREE SUGGESTIONS FOR
CONNECTING WITH OUR HEART
1. We
must recognize and Feel feelings.
·
“Feeling our feelings is about beginning to take
responsibility for the content of our hearts.
It requires us to live out of how our hearts are made and use our
feelings to experience and add to relationship, first with ourselves, then with
others.”
·
There are two extremes that can happen with
emotions:
·
To Disconnect-driven by desire to control
life.
·
To Overindulge emotions-driven by
self-love and self-obsession.
·
A balanced approach is to be honest with our
feels before God and before trustworthy friends.
2. We
must tell the Truth about our hearts to those who are trustworthy.
·
We need to practice Transparent
communication.
·
To one degree or another, we all struggle with
the Same things.
·
“No temptation has sezed you except what is
common to man.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 [NIV]
3. Give
the truth of your heart to God.
·
Like David, we must be brutally Honest
with God.
·
Try keeping a journal of your prayers to God.
VI. CONCLUSION
1. To
stay connected to our heart, we need three things:
·
Feel our feelings
·
Tell the truth about our hearts to others
·
Give the truth of our hearts to God
2. We
were Broken men living in a broken world.
·
Jesus said, “I have told you these things, so
that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble. But take
heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 [NIV]
3. We
are wired to have Community with our Creator and community with others.
4. The
six sessions of “A Man and His Story”mwere intended to help you become more
connected:
·
Connected to your past…with your wounds and your
victories [sessions 1,2,3,& 4].
·
Connected to others…your teammates [session 5].
·
Connected to yourself…your own heart [session
6].
·
Connected to God…and the story He is telling
through your life [sessions 1 and 6].
DISCUSSION /
REFLECTION QUESTIONS
1. How
has the brokenness of the world touched your life? What does God promise to
redeem the world mean to you?
2. Why
do you think it is difficult for guys to be transparent? Discuss how
transparency may be difficult for you personally.
3. This
session recommended three ways to connect with your heart. How are you doing in
these areas:
1. Recognize and feel feelings
2. Tell the truth about our hearts
to those who are trustworthy
3. Give the truth of our hearts to
God
Taken from 33 THE SERIES "A MAN AND HIS STORY"
LifeWay
No comments:
Post a Comment